Contentment is neither a thought (“now I decide to think that I’m content”) nor an emotion that arises (“now I feel contentment”). Contentment is a state that can be cultivated: we can take actions and choose thoughts that open up the possibility of entering an inner state of contentment.
Contentment doesn’t mean being happy, or feeling joy or delight. It’s a deeper state in which, even when we’re experiencing unpleasant emotions, there is a sense of calm inside us, of contentment with whatever we’re going through.
One of the tools many sages suggest is practising gratitude. Gratitude is very powerful and is often enough to help us live the day with more serenity and fulfilment. Starting or ending the day with gratitude can evoke a state of inner calm and fullness, of contentment. The more concrete and specific the gratitude, the stronger it becomes. For example:
- I’m grateful for today because it was great
This sentence is very vague; it isn’t concrete, so the feeling of gratitude may not be very tangible or lasting.
- I’m grateful that the bus driver waited when she saw me running, so I got to work on time.
- I’m grateful that, in that conversation, when I was about to say something passive-aggressive, I managed to stop myself in time and express what I felt assertively.
These two sentences carry a concrete event in which one of our own needs was met. They’re specific, and we can direct our gratitude towards the situation, the person and the need that was cared for.
That said, sometimes gratitude isn’t enough to awaken a state of contentment in us, or to make that state last and stay with us for a long time. If, for example, we’re going through a period of our life with a lot of pain, sadness or chaos, those unpleasant feelings may be stronger and take up more space than gratitude can. And this is completely natural, because contentment isn’t a fluctuating emotion but a deep state that arises from the soul: it can’t be generated from the outside in, by thinking and feeling it the way we do with gratitude; it’s generated from the inside out.
Thoughts and emotions fluctuate, reality changes, and contentment is a state that can become more permanent, more stable. It can resemble deep acceptance or equanimity. Whether or not I’m happy with my present, I can feel contentment. This comes from deciding to look at life from our inner witness, from the perspective of the observer, of our Being, higher self, superconsciousness, soul… call it whatever you like. We can look at what happens to us absorbed in our physical side (senses, body, emotions), and we can also look from our inner or spiritual side. On the physical plane we experience the world through our humanity, and with it the ups and downs of thoughts and emotions that make us human and allow us to relate to and empathise with ourselves and others. The physical plane is ever-changing: thoughts change, emotions come and go, people change, the world changes… On the inner plane there is eternity: this observer has always been in the same place; it is the one that has been able to tell apart the fluctuations of the physical from its own unchanging nature. And yes, our inner perceptions have broadened; with a bit of luck, our view of the world and of ourselves has widened and sharpened over the years, but the one who observes is the same, only now perhaps seeing with more clarity.
So let’s return to contentment. It’s not about deciding “today I’m going to be happy, feel joyful and be content, no matter what”. That can encourage contentment; deciding to take the day with joy is powerful. But let our intention be to hold a particular perspective, to keep our focus on inner awareness, and not to suppress whatever emotions arise that day and mentally replace them with forced cheerfulness. Nothing hurts more than denying reality, denying what we feel, covering up our experiences. It’s about not masking the present moment with subjective judgements, whether “positive” or “negative”. Rather, it’s about observing the moment as it is, letting the present unfold before us in every instant, looking at it from the soul. In this way, contentment may arise, because we can live each moment fully on the physical plane, feeling the emotions that come up and observing the thoughts we create, while resting on our inner self. Observing what fluctuates from that fixed, steady inner gaze.
In yoga philosophy this is called Santosha. We find this concept in Patañjali’s Yoga Sutras, as part of what Patañjali set out as the eight limbs of yoga, ashtanga yoga (I mean the philosophy, not the contemporary yoga style of the same name). These limbs are a set of actions we can carry out and practise to reach liberation, nirvana or enlightenment.
The second of these limbs is the Niyamas, inner attitudes we can cultivate, one of which is Santosha, contentment.
Just as meditation is an inner state and not a practice, contentment shares the same nature. To reach a meditative state we use concentration practices, but that isn’t meditating, because meditation is a state that arises. The same happens with contentment. We can’t decide to feel content, but we can do other practices that open up the possibility for contentment to arise.
